Culture wars: shock news from the front – from an insider
THE ARTS COUNCIL is no more. Following a series of high level navel-gazing sessions in partnership with the GROAN (Get Rid Of Art Now) Foundation, an ultra right-wing think-tank, its senior executive voted unanimously to abolish themselves with immediate effect, having taken the precaution of freezing all assets and outstanding grants before being floated offshore to a pension fund in an undisclosed Caribbean tax haven.
The official announcement references realisation that the arts are "now considered elitist, narrowly defined, retrograde, potentially subversive, divisive, inappropriate, and unfit for purpose..." and that "...there is no place for imagination in the age of Artificial Intelligence."
Arts, Heritage and Tourism have been subsumed within the Ministry of Culture, Media and Sport. In future DCMS will concentrate on supporting more broad-based and socially inclusive initiatives, like gambling, game-shows, reality TV, and croquet.
A Treasury spokesman welcomed the announcement, adding that it supported any initiatives that involved not spending or, worse, not wasting public funds.
Another DCMS spokesman, when asked for a comment, looked quite mystified, saying "I have no idea what you are talking about. The word art is a meaningless historical construct that is no longer relevant to modern life."
This view appears to have been corroborated by recent opinion polls which confirmed that 80 per cent wondered whether and where you could buy "the arts" on-line, and who the influencers were. Ten per cent thought it was a long running soap-opera, while six per cent couldn't agree on what constituted 'Art'.
The remaining 10 per cent didn't understand the question.
An independent columnist observed "This makes total sense to me. Risk, challenge, innovation, imagination and the seeking of new ways to define and realise the power of truth are intrinsic to arts, creativity and culture.
"If they get kicked out of the pram, you might as well get rid of the pram as well. And stop calling it a pram to boot."
NICK JONES
